As we come into “the most wonderful time of the year”, there are some standard themes we hear about year after year; gratitude, traditions, and joy are three that come to my mind. Throughout this season, I want to dive a little deeper into each of these, how they have affected me, how I practice them, and how I struggle with them. And, because this wonderful time of year is also the busiest time of year for many, I’ll keep my thoughts like I like my cookies – short(bread) and sweet!
Joy
Joy, it seems, is everywhere this time of year – EVERYWHERE. Signs at stores practically scream JOY, we sing about it, I even received a magazine with a feature cover article titled “MORE JOY NOW” – nothing could have brought me less joy. This is the time of year for family, friends, traditions, time together, time away, spending money, spending energy, remembering days of past, and the people who filled those days, busy schedules, cold and flu, winter storms, and, above all, high expectations. It’s a lot. Whether you have little kids, aging adult parents, or are spending the time by yourself, there are expectations all around us and one of the biggest expectations is MORE JOY NOW!
Don’t get me wrong, there is so much about this season that I love – and some of it does bring me joy. When my son opens his presents on Christmas morning, I am always filled with joy. When my husband and I sip eggnog together on Christmas Eve, I am filled with joy, and when the first snow comes and you see twinkly lights peeking out from the snow, I am filled with joy. But the signs around us may make us thinking that we must be feeling joy 24/7, and that’s when joy can feel like a chore.
When I first set out to write this article, all I could picture was Joy, from the Pixar movie “Inside Out”. The character Joy is bubbly, excited at all times, bouncing around trying to make everyone around her joyful, too. I thought about this image for days and finally decided, that’s not joy to me. Similarly, based on the signs in stores this time of year, I would expect joy to be big and bright, showy and glittery, but in reality, I have found that joy is smaller and personal. It’s simultaneously bigger and smaller than happiness – happiness can look like contentment (I’m happy with my current job), ease (I’m happy to work close to home), or satisfaction (I’m happy with my end of year report). But joy, joy makes your heart sing, joy is a real connection to someone or some experience. It is a deeper and more intimate emotion. After starting this article, I researched studies on joy and found that I wasn’t alone in this definition. Lots of people are happy at their jobs, but how many find true joy in their work?
Thinking back on the last few months, I have found joy not in the everyday of work, but in the quiet triumphs when a client finds their missing piece to their puzzle. I find joy not in the evening hum drum, but when my son asks to watch TV with me, and we both put down our phones and talk while watching reruns of our favorite shows. I find joy not in the expensive and flashy, but in hanging out with my college girlfriends, in our sweatpants, telling stories from our dorm days, while eating pizza. Joy is personal, no matter what the stores yell at you, only you can define what joy is to you.
It’s ok to not be joyful, for now: the signs in stores screaming JOY, in all caps, might as well be saying, HAVE FUN! or SMILE! Just because the world is demanding joy of you, doesn’t mean you have to obey. It’s a lot of pressure, especially if you are struggling financially, missing loved ones, or trying to meet unrealistic expectations. It’s ok to not feel joy right now, and it’s ok to be ok with not feeling joy right now. You may find a glimmer of joy in letting go of the expectation to be joyful. More importantly, how can you properly honor the feelings you are having right now? Who can you lean on if you are struggling? If you are open to it, where would you like to find joy – perhaps it’s in honoring a lost loved one or giving to charity instead of even attempting to meet an unrealistic gift expectation. When this season passes, how do you move through the struggle and back into some light? Where do you want to be (mentally and emotionally) on the other side of this season?
The need for joy: I hope I’m not coming across as a Scrooge, I truly believe in joy and the need for joy. One of my issues with the barrage of joy this season is that we need to have it in our lives all year long, not just during a jammed packed year end celebration. What I have discovered is that, for me, joy requires awareness and listening. If I’m rushing through life, I’ll miss the joyful moments. Joy takes intention and searching. Regardless of what the signs at the stores say, it doesn’t show up at your door stoop and scream at you, you have to seek it out. A favorite excise of my clients is writing a list of 100 things that bring them joy. Often, we have no problem coming up with 25-50 items (friends, family, travel, dessert) and then we stall. That’s when I prompt my clients to “go quieter”. What are the tiny moments that bring you joy? When did you last experience joy? What’s the lesson from those moments? How can the emotion be found in something similar? How can you stop and find joy? How do you share joy?
Inquiry: I wish you much joy throughout the season and all of 2024. As you think about what joy is for you, how do you visualize it? Is it light and breezy – is it pulsing neon? Is it frenetic like a firefly in a jar or is it a vast calm lake? Is it dancing in the snow or is it reading a good book in a bubble bath?
Where is one place you’d like to find joy in 2024?
