KNOW YOUR VALUE
In parts one and two of Building Leadership Skills, I discussed some of the more positive and uplifting stories from my time as an AmeriCorps volunteer with the West Tallahatchie Habitat for Humanity chapter in Tutwiler, MS. I learned the important lessons of championing others and the release of letting go of perfection and control. Of course, as with any life changing experience, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses.
Some of the harder lessons I learned involved racism and untaught history, listening to other’s perspectives, even when they didn’t align with mine. I learned about poverty and responsibility to one’s neighbor (which is everyone). And I learned how to get back up again, after being pushed down over and over again. And while these topics are too deep and important for a short article, the lessons learned from one particular build have made a lasting impression on me, the lesson of knowing my value, even if others don’t.
My fellow AmeriCorps team members and I were invited to participate in a Blitz Build in Leland, MS. A Blitz Build is when you build multiple houses, at the same time, in a specific period of time – usually a week. You may have seen Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter doing Blitz Builds all over the world. In addition to being an amazing task to witness, a Blitz Build is stressful. It has a lot of moving pieces and there is usually media dutifully watching the process – and the timeline. For this build, I wasn’t in charge, I was there as a regular volunteer, to listen to the site supervisor and to work hard. After working on several houses over a year at my own site, I was eager to put my skills to work in a new environment.
Unfortunately, my site supervisor had other plans and my young female self was relegated to sweeping sawdust – not because that was a necessity at the time, but because my young female self couldn’t possibly have more skills. I knew this build was important, that the deadline was looming and that every ounce of skill should be used to its fullest. But I also knew what it was like to be a site supervisor with a thousand requests every minute, so I quietly swept the floor – all day long. I watched as a team of Mennonite men raised all the walls of their house in the time it took our house to build one wall. I watched another team do a cheer every time they raised a wall. I saw volunteers all around me feeling fulfilled and fulfilling important and meaningful roles. It was then that I realized that my self-worth was more valuable than whatever I thought the site supervisor needed. I had more to offer, and I was in a space that could use more skill. After the first night, I asked if I could move to another house.
At the new house, I flourished, and I was so happy to be in a better environment, I gratefully hung facia on the house’s exterior while it poured rain. This led my new supervisor to mention to the old supervisor how lucky he was to have me on his site and how much experience and energy I brought with me. While it was nice to know that my old supervisor was informed of my value, it was vastly more important to me that I knew my own value and stayed true to it.
How often do we put our needs and our value to the side to support someone else? Sometimes we do it for a loved one but so often we do it for someone who probably wouldn’t do the same for us. In our need to be “nice” to others, we often miss being nice to ourselves. In that place of silently supporting the sexist site supervisor, I felt small and weak. And while it was the site supervisor who was delegating the small and weak tasks, I was the one supporting him in it. This was a much simpler fix than many women find themselves in.
I find that as women, we often don’t know our value, or, more specifically, we don’t believe in our value. We might think we are good enough, but we rarely allow ourselves to think we’re great – amazing – an expert! A lot of this stems from us being told not to brag about ourselves. Many women were told to be quiet, polite and demure as little girls. Regardless of how we came to not believe in our own value, what’s most important is knowing that we still have that value, we can choose to begin believing in it at any time! It’s never too late to take a step back and assess who you are, where your talents lie, where your passions want to lead you, where you belong.
Who do we put before ourselves – and why? How does it serve us? I know that I often put my son’s needs over my own and usually feel fulfilled by being available to him. But sometimes, I put other’s needs over my own and feel run over, deflated, and small. When, if ever, is it important to put other’s needs over my own? And when my needs are more important than being “nice”, how do I come to terms with the perception that I’m not being “nice”? What is your personal value and when do you shine it, and when do you hide it?
Inquiry – When do you put the needs of others over your own and how does it serve you?
Learn more about the amazing work being done by the folks at West Tallahatchie Habitat for Humanity at the Tutwiler Community Education Center’s website.
