2024 Summer Playlist: Unplug & Elevate
Unplug & Elevate: Notes of Empowerment Summer Playlist is a collaborative mixtape of music and thoughts sourced by three colleagues who work in the areas of wellness, burnout, and purpose, but more importantly, who are friends. We know that having the right playlist for a road trip (or whatever journey one is on) makes ALL the difference. This summer, we handpicked songs from our lives that helped us to rebalance, recoup our own stories, and root into our purpose. LISTEN HERE!
When I first heard Billie Eilish’s What Was I Made For, I had an honest to goodness tear come to my eye. It’s beautiful, haunting, heartbreaking, and powerful all at the same time. Just like women I know and respect, this song holds many complex and sometimes contradictory truths. We carry so much, it can be exhausting at times, which is why it’s so important to see (or hear) our challenges validated in art and media.
In this song, I hear truths about finding your purpose and understanding what you are here for – quite literally, why are you here, on this earth, in this time and place. I hear aching for wanting your purpose to be real, not just to you but to those around you. And I hear the power of someone who wants to step out of their comfort zone and try to live in their purpose. I hear a yearning to be recognized, and I deeply relate to it.
One of my favorite exercises to do with clients is to help them write their Life Purpose Statement. It’s a combination of your values and superpowers, usually with a metaphor to tie it together and give it some “sparkle”. When I was learning this exercise, I was immediately drawn to the sun – or sun rays, or sunshine – something about the sun. While I wasn’t really sure what I was made for, I knew, more than almost anything I’ve ever known, I’m here to bring light to others – which is a fancy way of saying that I need to make a positive impact on those around me and this planet.
As I often do, I overwrote my Life Purpose statement to the point that it was long and rambling, because I tried to hit on all the places where I wanted to bring light. With the help of a peer coach, I finally got it down to the simple statement of, “I’m a ray of sun, casting out the darkness.” I was pretty happy with this statement, even if it felt a little “soft” for me. A few days later, my husband was at a local bookstore and bought me a mug that said, “I’m a ray of f*cking sunshine”, and my Life Purpose Statement was born: “I’m a ray of f*cking sunshine, casting out the darkness of injustice.” It added the bite and sass that I feel are part of me and my personal brand. It was, as the kids would say, #OnBrand for me.
What I love about this story, and Life Purpose Statements, is that while they can (and should!) grow and evolve over time, there are always some personal truths about ourselves that show up no matter where we work or what title we hold or what stage of life we are in. You always have certain superpowers, and you always hold onto certain values. Writing out a Life Purpose Statement is a pocket size reminder of those superpowers and values so you can prioritize them and reference them on a regular basis. There are plenty of job opportunities that I might be qualified to do, but do they align with my life purpose? Outside of work, there are activities, conversations, people, etc. that I can participate in, engage with – but do they align with my life purpose? This isn’t to say I’m Wonder Woman, always taking down injustice, but when I understand my purpose, I understand a lot more about how I want to show up in this world.
And that’s it, that’s the beauty of it all, when you are living your life purpose, you are living out your values. Not your parents’ values or your spouse’s values, but your values. Those things that are sacred to you. Life is so much easier when you are living out your values – even if your values push you into uncomfortable places, you’ll go into those places from a deep place of purpose, certainty, and love. When Billie Eilish sings, “I don’t know how to feel, but someday I might”, I would argue that when you are truly living out your values, you are stepping into your own superpowers, and you will know how to feel – because you are doing exactly what you are made for.
Featured Response by Eileen Murphy from Blackbird Life Coaching
When did it end? All the enjoyment
I’m sad again, don’t tell my boyfriend
It’s not what he’s made for
…
Think I forgot how to be happy
Something I’m not, but something I can be
Something I wait for
Something I’m made for
My dear friend from grad school LOVES Barbie and Christmas, so I shouldn’t have been shocked the first time I saw her grown-up Christmas tree. It was impeccably neat with a gorgeous spiral of Barbie ornaments wrapping the tree with beauty, sparkle, and richness. Besides complimenting the holiday cheer it brought to my eyes and heart, I asked her, “How much time did this take you, and where did you begin?”
She starts with the vision—the purpose in mind—and then works her way backward. This approach mirrors the reflective journey captured in Billie Eilish’s “What Was I Made For?” The song explores understanding one’s purpose and navigating through life’s messiness to find clarity and fulfillment.
Thinking through Charlotte’s post and my friend’s love for Barbie, both point to the end as the starting point. Defining the purpose creates the parameters in which we want to reside. Once the purpose is discovered, you can evaluate the structures in your life that need to be enhanced, shifted, or abandoned for the purpose to take shape.
Here are the steps to move from purpose to action:
- Define Your Purpose: Start with a clear vision of what you want to achieve.
- Evaluate Existing Structures: Assess aspects of your life that support or hinder your purpose.
- Identify Changes Needed: Determine what needs to be enhanced, shifted, or abandoned.
- Take Small, Inspired Steps: Break down your goals into manageable actions. Remember, baby steps will take you up the mountain.
- Cultivate New Skills and Behaviors: Develop new skills, thinking patterns, or behaviors that align with your purpose.
- Let Go of Limiting Beliefs: Release old beliefs and behaviors or relationships that no longer serve you.
- Navigate the Messy Middle: Accept that the process may become messy as you transition and grow.
- Seek Support and Connection: Lean on your support network and continuously assess your progress. Express your needs and invite others to be part of your journey.
My friend with the Barbie Christmas tree shared that it’s the middle part where it can get messy. And it’s true in life — it’s the messy middle where you’re letting go and becoming, where feelings and actions become messier. It’s reflected in the lyrics, When did it end? All the enjoyment… I think I forgot how to be happy. The initial excitement for ‘living our purpose’ wanes as we fluctuate with the emotions of change. Life begins to take precedence over individual well-being, and we start feeling less happy and less directional. When we fall back into old patterns and behaviors, how can we regain focus on our purpose? How can we experience the messy middle in a more enjoyable way?
Through our connection with others.
Revisiting, from above, the structures that need to change, I personally realized this is a skill I needed to cultivate, which requires me to continuously assess my thought patterns. The more support I receive, the more dynamic I become. It’s true, but it’s dang scary! So, I am enhancing my ability to express my needs and shifting my perspective to send out invitations to people — ACCEPTING they may not be able to help, and KNOWING they are aware. And I am actively dimming that inner critic that tells me they won’t come because I am not enough. Because guess what—I am enough. You are enough. Something I’m not, but something I can be… Something I’m made for.
Leaping into the adventure of purpose fulfillment is ever-evolving, ever-forming, and everlasting. When all the ornaments are hung, and the sun has set, and the Christmas tree is lit for the first time that season, my dear friend experiences a sense of wonder and pure joy. This is the reason for living our purpose: so that we can, in the end, sit back and enjoy the wonder we have made of our life.
Featured Response by Megan Hutchinson-Krings from Mindful Heart Counseling
Hi Barbie!
My aunt gave me my first Barbie when I was younger than five. I was devoted to my dolls and expanded the collection over the years it peaked when it included the entire Barbie & The Rockers set. Once puberty hit, I left these childish things behind. The conflicting messaging had been baked in. On one hand, I knew that a girl could do anything, and I still see those words in the pink Barbie font. On the other hand, I went to kindergarten thinking pink Had to be my favorite color because I’m a girl. Granted, pink remains my mom’s favorite color. Those two thoughts aren’t contrary, but to me I felt tension between those thoughts. If I can be or do anything, why can’t I pick my favorite color by myself? This tension colors a lot of how I see myself – a former Future Homemaker of America president, recovering purity culture college student, and a middle-aged childless woman trying not to be defined by her husband’s job and the cultural expectations that come with his job.
Hi Billie!
Last summer I took my niece to see Billie Elish at Lolla. Bille bounded out on stage and there she was – the true Barbie rockstar in black and red. She sang her youthful female angsty punk rage anthems, then in the middle of her set she turned and coyly said into the adoring roaring crowd of young women “I suppose we should play the new one.” My head went spinning as Finneas plucked the first couple notes out. This solemn song of questioning into a doll, or woman’s purpose in the face of patriarchy. Tears. Tears of anger and sorrow. There is a seething anger and sorrow I hear in this song. But maybe that’s just my anger I hear. That the thing life has taught me “a girl can be anything” isn’t true. It’s hard to survive on one income, especially when you’re not getting paid the same as the guy next to you does. That it’s a lot more comfortable for me to just play the part and not question what I am supposed to. Or to say pink is my favorite color than to do the work to figure out what my favorite color is.
Billie reminds me that this tension of what “I should be” and “what I was made for” is still present in the world. My anger is a response to that. What I have learned is that when my anger is present, something I value has been hurt, neglected, ignored, or treated unfairly. That paradox is a thought and feeling that this playlist hopes will explore. Anger (or any other intense emotion) can tell you what you value. Once you know your values you can start moving your life in their direction. The action I take due to my anger is to point a finger to the inequality I see – or name the poetry of the tension I feel. It doesn’t fix the feeling, but I am not silently letting the status quo pass by without disruption. This disruption is a place I love to play in, it allows me to be creative, push boundaries, and do the unexpected. Fun fact, I did decide on a favorite color – all of them.
Megan Hutchinson Krings, LCSW CADC is a licensed clinical social worker and a certified alcohol and drug counselor. She often works with folks when their neglected hunches about life manifest into addiction, depression, anxiety, burnout, or deep grief for the life they want but can’t have. Megan is the founder of Mindful Heart Counseling.
Eileen Murphy, MA in Industrial & Organizational Psychology, is your go-to certified Stress Management and Health & Wellness coach. She’s on a mission to help you disrupt your stress and find joy, aligning your career, health, and wellness like a life-balancing pro. Eileen is the founder of Blackbird Life Coaching.
Charlotte Kovacs, ACC, CPCC, empowers mid-career women who are at a crossroads, wondering what they want to be when they grow up. She provides one-on-one and small group programs designed to help them set bold goals, enabling them to fulfill their purpose both professionally and personally. Charlotte is the founder of Charlotte Kovacs Coaching.
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