Disclaimer: this article is by no means intended to be self-deprecating nor “anti” any group of people. The purpose is to show how it takes all kinds, and all kinds are welcome and worthy, and how it took me a while to name my “kind”. Now then, let us begin…
I’m mediocre. I’m middle of the road. I’m a solid B, on a good day I’m a B+ kind of girl (and I don’t just mean grades, I mean in life). I have dreams and goals, but they are more lower-case dreams and goals. I don’t think anyone has ever called me ambitious. I’ve never been on a career trajectory or a corporate ladder. I don’t have multiple higher education degrees. I don’t identify as not a boss mom, a boss wife, nor a boss lady, although I am my own boss. And it’s fine. It’s fine that I’m mediocre and it’s also fine that there are women out there who are more ambitious boss ladies. It takes both kinds, and all sorts of other kinds, but here and now I want to proudly stake my claim of mediocrity. Let me explain.
A few weeks ago, I was planting flower pots near my front door and, in addition to other flowers, I planted some Marigolds. I’ve always liked Marigolds, as a kid they were my favorite, but as I grew older, they didn’t seem cool, trendy, flashy, or interesting enough. And that’s when it hit me, I’m a Marigold. I’m not cool, trendy, flashy, or overly interesting – but I’m solid, I’m useful and helpful, I’m consistent and I’m a bright bit of color (take that how you will). Had I been denying myself my favorite flower for years because I didn’t think it was cool enough? Probably not. As I’ve grown and learned about other flowers, I’m not sure Marigolds are my fave anymore, but I did want to re-embrace these lovely, consistent, useful flowers, instead of shying away from them.
In a recent Discovery Call with a new client, I asked her about her financial goals, and she said, quite confidently, that she’d like to make enough to pay her bills, travel some, and save. That’s it – not make a million dollars in the next five years, not build her business so it would be bought by a larger company, and not become a thought leader in her industry. AND I WAS HERE FOR THIS GOAL, because it resonates so much with my goals. I won’t call these simple goals for a simple life because that’s not true and sounds diminutive. These types of goals can be just as important as those of someone who does want to become a thought leader in their industry, and there’s often nothing simple about life. They are just less cool, trendy, and flashy than some other goals – perhaps some would say they are less noteworthy.
No offense to the high-achieving women of the world (seriously, no offense, I’m really glad you are doing what you are doing!), but not all of us fit that description – and yay for diversity of thought! Just like me, I know there are other mediocre women who have dreams and goals and hopes for their future. They want love and joy and passion and happiness. Speaking for myself, I “want it all”, but my “all” looks different from someone else’s “all”.
My hopes, dreams, and goals are exciting to me, even if they aren’t exciting to everyone. I’d like to make enough money to support my family, send my son to college, travel a little and save some money. I’d like to do that while being present with my family and friends, living in the same home we currently live in (warts and all) and shopping for clothes at TJ Maxx. I’d like to have a steady stream of clients with whom I enjoy working and a decent number of people who find my content on social media to be engaging. I want to learn Italian and learn to build a table from scratch and read some high brow literature. I have a bucket list, and it excites me, but it’s not making anyone’s Top 10 Bucket lists.
My husband was horrified by this whole idea as he thinks I’m amazing (lucky me!). Don’t tell him, he’s pretty mediocre, too (and amazing) – it’s one of the reasons we’re such a good fit. So, to clarify again, this is not meant to shy away from my talents, or put myself down, nor belittle the life that I have. This does not mean that I don’t want to continue learning, growing, and evolving. I love my life, and I want it to grow – on its current not cool, not trendy, not flashy trajectory. And that realization right there, growth in a not flashy way, is freeing and beautiful to me. It’s who I am AND who I want to be. It’s a solid and consistent path forward that excites me, regardless of what excites others. It’s a Marigold in the garden plan, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
To clarify, me owning my mediocrity is not:
- Limiting my belief in myself
- Self-doubt or thinking I don’t deserve something “else”
- Holding myself back or in place
- Not fully dreaming (more to come on that in an upcoming article)
But what it is, is:
- Not holding myself to other people’s standards or expectations
- Living my values and owning my decisions
- Freeing myself from comparison to others
- Not wondering what’s wrong with me (or my perception of society’s perception of what’s wrong with me)
- Finding contentment with what feels right to me.
This is about owning me and my story and what I want out of life. It’s about tuning out the noise and the flashing lights and listening to the quiet. This is about knowing that my “it” can be whatever I want it to be, and doesn’t have to be the same as someone else’s “it”.
Thank goodness there are high achieving folks in this world AND, thank goodness there are mediocre folks in this world. If you are happy where you are, then I am happy for you. If you are not happy where you are, who and what can support you as you get to where you want to be? If you are a happily identifying Mediocre Marigold, what not-so-flashy hopes, dreams, and goals do you want to achieve?
Inquiry: What is something on your bucket list that might seem silly to others? Who do you want to share it with?
